When I got the phone call last month informing me that we would need to find a new place for daycare, there were a variety of emotions that I was experiencing. I was sad to leave a place we had grown to love and friends Eva had made. I was filled with a little anxiety about the stress of finding someone new we liked. Mostly, I was scared that we wouldn't find someone that fit into our budget since we had planned for being able to afford the new baby under the current rates we were paying. To be totally honest, I was afraid of the embarrassment that I would feel if I couldn't afford to take care of my family -- like some teenager that didn't think things through before getting pregnant.
Travis's reaction was totally typical Travis: "It'll all work out." This never helps me because I immediately think in my head, "Yes, but..." At a particular low point of feeling helpless, I even broke into a late night uncontrollable sob session. Travis assured me, saying that God would never give us another baby without having a plan for how we would pay for it. Ashamedly, I thought "God helps those who help themselves." I thought, could we really be selfish enough to expect God to take care of a problem we should have been wise enough to note as a possibility before making the decision to have another child?
I called the contacts I had, and one by one they were placed on the "no" pile, either because they were nearly twice the amount we could afford or because they didn't have space for a baby. As we got less and less people on our list, I was convinced we were going to have to go to extreme measures -- an entirely new career for Travis, selling our house for one with a lower payment, selling things from home like Tupperware or something, me learning how to play golf so I could earn more money as our school's golf coach... they all went through my mind.
We had one number left. I just left it alone for days because I didn't want to feel completely hopeless. Finally I braved up, knowing that ignoring the problem wouldn't make it go away. And just like that, the pieces fell into place.
The new place Eva will be going to this fall is a 20 second car ride from our house. We walked to her house tonight, in fact, in less than 3 minutes. She will spend the day with about 4 other kids her age, all of which just got done getting potty trained and like to all go together to the bathroom. At least a couple of them live on our street. The house has a medium-sized dog that Evalee already adores. The daily rates we will pay will in some situations be less than the rates we planned on. In short, she is exactly what we needed when we needed her to be.
So tonight I am once again humbled before my God. How dare I question whether or not He would take care of us -- that He would have a plan for our family. This baby is a gift from Him, just as her sister has been. He has blessed us with each other, a home, two jobs, cars to get to those jobs, and now two children right when we needed them. He has never left us on our own. I don't know how anyone could be blessed with the things we have been given and not believe in a God above them watching over them.
- ► 2013 (44)
- ▼ July (7)
- ► 2011 (82)
- ► 2010 (109)