A few tricky days

Last week, I was telling Travis that I was nervous because I felt so great still. With my pregnancy with Eva, we had an early sonogram that assured us that all was well and I had lots of minor symptoms right from the start that confirmed it all. This time it was week 5, we still hadn't even picked our doctor for sure yet, and I was feeling perfectly fine. Travis said I was crazy, and I knew I was.

Well here no 2 days into week 6, I can tell you the pregnancy symptoms have definitely arrived. Thursday and Friday were VERY hard to get through at work. I had to make a conscious, real effort to not slam my head down on my desk and sleep by 1 p.m. I've been trying to eat as healthily as possible, while I have been still up to it, so I've been eating lots of calcium, iron, and folic acid rich foods like spinach, cheeses, nuts, etc. But now, by this weekend, I've felt so nauseous the game has simply been to find a food that I feel like I could choke down and not feel the need to vomit. The month of March is going to be a tricky one, indeed.

Then, to make matters more tricky on top of this, we had a challenging weekend. First of all, I had to chaperone a dance that ended a full hour after the latest time I'd gone to bed all week on Saturday night. I finally turned out the lamp light around midnight. Evalee then woke up crying around 12:20. Travis came up from downstairs and tried to console her back to sleep, but after 40 minutes of trying and her crying for me, he gave up and I took over. We then came out to the chair, got some milk, and rocked. As soon as her milk was done, she was asking for her daddy, slid off my lap, and headed to the basement to find him. We then did this tango back and forth -- trying everything from sitting in the chair, laying with her in her toddler bed (which is awful), laying her between us in bed, ignoring her crying and letting her cry it out alone in her room, NOTHING worked. Travis took her to the living room to watch some T.V. at 3 a.m. and came back into our room exhausted at 4 a.m. So I took her back to the living room with more milk, and she finally fell asleep around 4:50. We slept together in the chair until 5:30 just to be sure she was out. It was incredibly rough, and I'm just so glad it happened on a weekend because I definitely would have had to have taken the day off.

So, Grandma came over after church and let us sleep in the morning while she and Evalee played. We tried and tried in the afternoon to get her to take a nap, never succeeding, and finally gave up and took her to the park to burn off this mystery energy. She took a 15 minute nap in the car, waking up as soon as we got her to her bed.

All I can say is, I desperately hope for a loooong night's sleep tonight!

I wouldn't be me if...

I didn't worry a little bit. I've known that I'm pregnant for a week and a half, and I've felt great all day every day. So, I of course began to wonder if that meant something was wrong. I know every pregnancy is different, but I was experiencing none of the symptoms that I was experiencing at this point with Eva. Like any rational person, Travis told me I was crazy. But a part of me just longed for one aching boob just to tell me everything was going as it should.
But today my prayers seemed to be answered. I'm still feeling okay enough to get everything done, but there's definitely some soreness and fatigue. In fact, it's 5:30 p.m. and I'm pretty sure I could go to bed and sleep until my alarm goes off in the morning. And perhaps that's why God gave me the worry, so that with every wave of discomfort that washes over me will come a sigh of relief knowing that my body is churning things up just like it's supposed to.

It's one of our favorite places to be

On days where it's still just a bit too cold to play outside, we like to head over to spend the morning at the Children's Museum.We've probably been there 20 times in the past year, but she is still super excited when we get to the doors. It's fun to see how she changes and plays with the different stations differently as she grows older. It's also a great chance for her to learn how to wait her turn and share with other kids. I think we'll definitely be purchasing a membership again for next year!

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watching the turtles, the visiting exhibit

trying to feed the turtles a plastic apple from the grocery store

A visit with Ma

Back in January when we visited Hillsboro, we took a swing down to the nursing home to visit Ma before heading home. She was sure excited to see Evalee, and Eva enjoyed giving her hugs too. Ma was quickly trumped, however, when Eva discovered there were birds to look at and talk to. It seems like Ma enjoys her time there and can certainly get around pretty quickly shuffling her wheelchair down the hallways. We forgot our camera in the car, but luckily Aunt Ashley let us borrow hers to snap a few of Eva and her great-grandma.

The chocolate has been located.

I had been keeping some of the chocolate Eva received in various gifts from Christmas and such in a tin on the kitchen counter. It was staying secret for a good amount of time. But then on Valentine's Day, the cat got out of the bag. The result was messy.

A new chapter

After two very questionably faint lines on pregnancy tests and a follow up blood test, we found out this morning that we will have a new little member of the family in October. My feelings about a second child over the last few months have been strong and emotional. The love that I have for my daughter is so overwhelming and the joy and laughter she brings the two of us makes me think to myself, "She is such a blessing from God"  so often. How can you not think about doubling your joy? But how do you ever know when it's the right time? How do you ever know when you'll be ready to stop focusing all your motherly love on this one perfect, amazing child and give it to another?
The thing is, I KNOW it's not matter of dividing love in half but rather watching your heart grow to a new unthinkable size twice as big. And I know that will happen for me when we meet this new gift from God. But it's hard to imagine something you've never experienced.
A million thoughts have been running through my head over the course of the last few days. It's been a mixture of thankfulness to God, absolute fear, nervousness so intense I could pee, anticipation, joy, all of it. But I've come to peace on this central feeling: joy. And this is why.
I know the first year of Eva's life was hard. It was a year filled with so many tired days at work and frustrated episodes of crying and cold dinners and new uncertainties every other day. But I barely remember that stuff. And it's not even because I've "blocked it out" or that I'm trying forget it. It's that those moments aren't the memories. The memories are the joys -- the pride of watching her feed herself for the first time, the excitement in her eyes when she saw an animal at the zoo up close for the first time, the nights of snuggling in our chair together, the moments where she out and out surprised us with her knowledge or her humor and made us beam with pride or laugh until we cried in a way that we knew no one else would understand but the two of us. Those are the moments that I have with me and those are the moments that matter. So I will focus on the joy that awaits us, knowing that joy comes with challenges but also knowing that those challenges will eventually not matter in the least.
And I know our world will ever be changing even before this new child arrives. Tonight when Eva and I were playing she wanted to wrestle and jump on me and I, ever mindful of my fragile little poppy seed, had to tell her that she couldn't be so rough with Mama's belly anymore. The disappointment and confusion that resulted I know will come up again and again. I know eventually we won't fit together like a jigsaw puzzle for a little while when she curls up to me at night with her glass of milk. I know eventually there will be days when my aching body or big belly will simply not allow me to hold her or carry her at times when she wants me to. I know life will change as it is meant to change, but there are still moments where I'm scared as hell of losing a small piece of our connection over the course of the next few months.
So tonight when she brought me a pillow and a blanket and patted our chair, despite it being time for her to crawl into her bed all by herself, I smiled and opened my arms. I wrapped my arms around her little wiry body tightly and smelled her little shampooed head underneath my chin. And we rocked together like a jigsaw puzzle a little past her bedtime, just this once. I had the time to spare.

Cheering on our Chargers

 Evalee and I got all dolled up in our Charger gear to support the boys basketball team on senior night. Eva got to bust out her new Chargers tee shirt, but it was still pretty darn big so we had to improvise by tying the tail back with a hair tie, cheerleader style. She looked so beautiful and grown up in her ponytail and bow!